Wednesday, April 17, 2013

East Campus Secede from Wellesley

On March 15 East Campus declared its Secession from Wellesley College.  The residents of EC have expressed discontent with CG’s attention to their needs. Also because “everyone hates on us so much,” stated rebellion leader Rachel Sandburg ‘13. 

Prior to its succession EC released a list of demands that must be met or “dramatic action would follow.”   Demands included but were not limited to requiring 50% of org meetings must be held on East Campus; an East Campus Center must be built; all residents must receive segues and/or golf carts; an East Campus lake must be built; the aforementioned lake must be filled with killer whales and giant squids and “other awesome things that are one hundred percent more awesome than anything in Waban;” and a secret underground warehouse must be built where East Campus can hold parties, raves, and ritual animal slaughters.

College Government denied all of EC’s demands stating, “They’re being ridiculous.  East and West Campus are equally valued by all Wellesley students. East Campus has just as many facilities as West.  At least that’s what I’ve heard. I’ve never been there. It’s so far from the Quad and the Lulu.”

After their demands were rejected, Sandburg had the residents of East Campus erect a six foot tall electric fence covered in barbed wire and poisonous snakes (that are impervious to electricity) separating East and West Campus, stating, “We will no longer endure your West Campus elitism. The East Campus is strong on its own and does not need support from the rest of Wellesley. Anyone who attempts to cross this fence will be stripped of their GPA on sight.”

Students from East Campus claim that they have been discriminated against by their peers. Jennifer Liu ‘16 states, “I made all of these friends during orientation, but they all live in the Quint. During the school year I gradually saw less and less of them. My ex-friend Taylor told me it’s just because she ‘can’t be friends with a psychopath’ after I followed her around all day Monday, but I know it’s really because I live on East.”

Becky Wineworth ’14 rejects the existence of East Campus discrimination stating, “There totally isn’t any East Campus discrimination. One of my best friends lives on East!”

No comments:

Post a Comment