Friday, February 15, 2013

Wellesley to Build Privilege Check Room

Due to increased complaints from the general student body on the inability for certain individuals to “check their privilege,” the college is designing a “privilege check room.”  Instead of students having to constantly self check their privilege, students may register for a privilege check where for a given amount of time a student may leave their privilege at the check room and reclaim it at a later time. One senior organizer of this concept states, “This is by far one of the most useful an innovative concepts that Wellesley has ever seen.“

It is widely believed that someone’s privilege is a non-physical entity that cannot actually be handed over to someone.  According to science however, this is a flawed concept.  The “privilege cortex” is in fact a spherical luminescent globe (varying in size based on the amount of privilege one has) that resides behind the tonsils.  Although tonsils were long thought to be a vestigial structure, they are in fact there to protect the privilege cortex from being damaged by food, like pizza or falafel.   

The Privilege Check Room will work much like a coat check.  People who wish to check their privilege will register at the front desk.  After this, a certified privilege physician will perform a short and painless operation to remove the privilege cortex.  The privilege is then deposited into the privilege galleria: a vault-like structure that is temperature and pressure controlled to prevent damage to the privileges.  The client may have their privilege reinserted by the aforementioned physician upon graduation.  If they do not wish to have their privilege reinserted, they may also have their privilege cremated and returned to them in a decorative urn.  

Participant Alexandra Van Buren comments, “This sounds like a great idea.  After the Privilege Check Room is built I won’t need to worry about accidentally talking about the trip I took to the Bahamas during Wintersession, making all my friends uncomfortable.”

While many are singing the praises of this new innovation, some students protest this new installation, claiming that everyone has the right to their privilege and the room will pressure students into giving up their privileges.